Quiz: Are You in an Abusive Relationship? Recognize the Signs

Relationships can be complex and challenging, but they should never make you feel unsafe, unloved, or controlled. Unfortunately, abuse in relationships can be subtle and hard to recognize, especially when it comes from someone you care about. This quiz is designed to help you assess whether you are currently in, or have been in an abusive relationship. It’s important to approach this quiz with honesty and self-compassion. Remember, this is a safe space for reflection, and your answers are for your understanding.

Quiz: Recognize the Signs of Abuse

Answer the following questions with a simple "Yes" or "No."

1. Does your partner frequently criticize, belittle, or humiliate you, in front of others or even in private?

   
   

2. Do you feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to avoid upsetting your partner?

   
   

3. Have you become less involved with your friends and family since the relationship? Or has your partner ever isolated you from friends, family, or other support systems?

   
   

4. Does your partner often blame you for their problems or say you're the reason they are treating you negatively?

   
   

5. Have you noticed your partner trying to control aspects of your life, such as your finances, who you spend time with, or what you wear?

   
   

6. Does your partner make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time on your own or with others?

   
   

7. Has your partner ever used threats, intimidation, or physical force to get what they want?

   
   

8. Do you often feel anxious, scared, or fearful around your partner, even when they haven't directly threatened you?

   
   

9. Does your partner lie, or twist the facts of a situation making you question your own reality or second guessing what actually happened?

   
   

10. Have you noticed a pattern of a lot of affection followed by periods of emotional withdrawal or punishment?

    
    

11. Does your partner make your feelings less important, making you feel like your concerns aren't valid?

    
    

12. Has your partner talked you into not working as well as your partner has complete control over money?

    
    

13. Do you feel trapped in the relationship, like you can't leave or that leaving would be dangerous?

    
    

14. Has your partner ever destroyed your property, harmed pets, or used other indirect forms of violence?

    
    

15. Do you feel like your self-esteem and confidence have decreased since being in the relationship?

    
    

16. Has your partner pressured you into being intimate even though you've already said "no"?

17. Have you ever felt the need to hide aspects of your relationship from others out of fear or shame?

Scoring

Count the number of "Yes" answers:

• 0-2 Yes: It seems like your relationship might be relatively healthy. However, if you have concerns or are feeling uneasy, it could still be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor to explore your feelings further.

• 3-5 Yes: There are some concerning signs in your relationship. It’s important to take these seriously. Consider reaching out to a therapist or support group to discuss your situation and get guidance on how to address these issues.

• 6-10 Yes: Your answers indicate that you may be in an abusive relationship. This can be difficult to acknowledge, but it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being. Please consider seeking help from a therapist, or other professional resources.

• 10+ Yes: It appears that your relationship is abusive. Making changes in your relationship could be dangerous and complicate your life further. Discreetly seek out assistance in creating an exit plan to leave your abuser.

  
  

The Dangers of Ending Relationships with an Abuser

Deciding to end a relationship with an abusive partner is a courageous step, but it can also be one of the most dangerous times for a victim. Abusers often seek to maintain control over their victims, and when they sense that control slipping away, their behavior can escalate. This escalation can include increased emotional manipulation, threats, stalking, or even physical violence.

Abusers may also use guilt, promises of change, or threats to prevent you from leaving. They might try to isolate you further, making it difficult for you to seek help or support. It's essential to recognize that these tactics are part of the abuse cycle, and the abuser’s promises to change are often temporary and insincere.

Because of these risks, it’s crucial to approach the decision to leave with careful planning and support.

Never Leave an Abuser without a Plan

Here are some steps to consider when preparing to leave an abusive relationship:

1. Develop a Safety Plan:

   • A safety plan is a personalized strategy to help you stay safe while preparing to leave an abuser. This plan might include finding a safe place to stay, having an emergency bag packed, and identifying trusted individuals who can help you.

2. Seek Professional Help:

   • Contact a domestic violence hotline, a therapist, or a local shelter for guidance on how to safely leave the relationship. These professionals can provide valuable advice, resources, and support during this critical time.

3. Document Everything:

   • Recording and documenting situations and events with dates and times will help you in your journey to staying safe. Remember to be discreet in gathering the information if you're actively in an abusive situation.

4. Involve Law Enforcement if Necessary:

   • If you feel your safety is at immediate risk, don't hesitate to contact the police. They can help ensure your safety and may assist with restraining orders or other legal protections.

5. Inform Trusted Friends or Family:

   • Let trusted individuals know about your situation and your plan to leave. Having people aware of your situation can provide additional layers of support and safety.

6. Prepare for Emotional Reactions:

   • Understand that leaving an abuser can trigger intense emotions, both in yourself and the abuser. Be prepared for a mix of relief, fear, guilt, and sadness, and ensure you have emotional support in place.

   
   

Read more about how to plan your exit in our Blog Breaking Free: The Importance of and How To Plan Your Exit from Abuse

A Gentle Path Forward: Healing from Abuse

If this quiz has brought up difficult feelings or confirmed what you may have already suspected, know that you are not alone. Acknowledging the presence of abuse is a courageous step, and it’s the first move toward healing.

Healing from an abusive relationship is a journey that requires time, support, and compassion for yourself. It's important to recognize that abuse is never your fault, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Whether the abuse was emotional, psychological, or physical, its effects can be deep and lasting, but recovery is possible.

Journaling is a Valuable Tool for Victims of Abuse

Consider Journaling

In the midst of navigating the complexities of an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to find a safe space to process your emotions and experiences. Journaling is a powerful tool for victims of abuse because it provides that safe space—a private, judgment-free zone where you can express your thoughts, reflect on your journey, and begin to make sense of the chaos.

Our healing bullet journals are designed with this in mind. They combine the structure of bullet journaling with guided prompts that encourage you to explore your feelings, set boundaries, and track your progress. Each page is crafted to help you regain control of your life, one small step at a time. Journaling can also be a form of self-care, helping you to externalize your thoughts, reduce anxiety, and gain clarity. As you write, you might start to see patterns, recognize triggers, and discover the strength you already have within you.

These journals are more than just a place to jot down notes—they’re a valuable aid to work alongside professional help. By integrating them into your daily routine, you can begin to reclaim your voice and chart a path toward a healthier, more empowered future.

Seek out a Professional Familiar With Narcissistic Abuse

Continuing with Professional Support

One of the most important steps in your healing journey is to seek professional support. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process your experiences, rebuild your self-esteem, and learn healthy coping strategies. A therapist can also help you recognize patterns that may have contributed to the abusive dynamic and guide you in setting healthy boundaries moving forward.

If you're unsure where to start, consider reaching out to a local mental health professional, a domestic violence hotline, or a trusted friend who can help you find the right resources. A high score indicates domestic violence should be taken seriously. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it's an act of strength and self-care.

You deserve to live a life free from fear, control, and manipulation. As you begin or continue your healing journey, be gentle with yourself and take it one step at a time. Healing is possible, and with the right support, you can rebuild your life and find peace, joy, and love once again.

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